Giving Thanks

I've been looking at the ASH abstracts, and started a few posts on interesting topics, but I'm still working on them. I thought I'd pause today for Thanksgiving.

I know that not everyone reading is from the U.S., so: Today is Thanksgiving, our annual holiday where we pause and remember good things in our lives and give thanks for them. (There's also lots of eating, since this holiday is supposed to have started as a kind of harvest festival.)

I think cancer patients (especially those of us with Follicular Lymphoma) have a hard time with Thanksgiving. On the one hand, we're alive, and that's certainly something to be thankful for. On the other hand, we're often living with difficult things, whether the physical problems from the FL itself, or side effects from treatment, or the emotional burden of watching and waiting, or just worrying about a successfully-treated cancer that might come back. Nothing is easy with this cancer.

But, hopefully, there is more to be thankful for than not. 

This is my 14th Thanksgiving as a cancer patient. As I sometimes do, I looked back at what I wrote in this blog about what I was thankful for that first year (2008). I'll tell you something that I find kind of 'amazing -- thinking about it over the last few days, my list this year is pretty much the same list, 14 years later.

I'm still thankful for all of the wonderful doctors I've worked with. I counted 11 of them back then, based on the business cards in my wallet. I've added a few since then, as I deal with an aging body and more that has gone wrong with it. They're all great. All things considered, I'm a reasonably healthy 55 year old with an incurable cancer who can still more or less do what I want to do. I know not everyone can say that. I give doctors at least a little bit of credit for that.

And I'm very thankful still for FL researchers. I certainly write a lot of about their work. What's different now, 14 years later, is that I've actually gotten to meet some of them and work with them. That's been very cool. They're passionate about what they do, and they do it very well. 

I'm still thankful for my job, which gives me great security in many ways. I don't talk much here about the work that I get paid for. I'm a teacher, and I teach writing. It's a very fulfilling job. I like my students and I like my colleagues. I've been doing in for over 30 years, and it's still feels like something new all the time. There's a lot to be thankful for there. 

OK, I guess I'm still thankful for music, though I gave up my music "career" long ago. But I do still get to listen to my kids play. My oldest plays saxophone in a band, and we may get to see them play Saturday night (if we can stay up that late). My middle child has taught himself to play banjo. As I said 14 years ago, my wife and I always wanted a house full of music. We still have one.

I said back in 2008 that I'm thankful for my support group. I rely on them less now than I did then, but I will say that I am thankful for other FL patients who have shared their stories with me, including many of you reading this. Even 14 years after diagnosis, it's always comforting to hear from someone who has experienced the same thing as you. Cancer can be lonely in many ways, and talking to some of you can make it feel less lonely.

I said back then that I was thankful for my parents, and that's true. They were so wonderfully supportive. "Were," unfortunately. Both have passed on, and I lost both to cancer. It was another of those strange things, to be able to share cancer stories with your parents -- something to be thankful for, and not thankful for. I was lucky enough to have had a good relationship with both of them for my entire life, even during those years when most people don't have great relationships with them. I miss them, especially at this time of year.

And I'm still thankful for my brother. I said back then that my cancer had brought us closer together, and losing our parents brought us a little closer, too. I'm very thankful of all of the work he has done to raise money for cancer research.

And I'm still thankful for my kids, and not just because of the music. They are all technically adults now, though they're still just kids to me. But they've grown into wonderful people, who care about others and want to make the world a better place. I can't ask for more than that. My oldest is here for the holiday from his job about 300 miles away, and my middle one just took a job in the state that we live in, so we're seeing him more often. And our youngest can't be with us for Thanksgiving, since they're literally halfway around the world, studying in Japan. It's a wonderful opportunity that I am very thankful they were able to experience. I'm a happy dad, and 14 years ago, I'm wasn't sure I'd be here to see it all.

And I'm mostly thankful for my wife, Isabel. I like what I said so long ago, so I'm going to repeat it here:

And I'm mostly thankful for Isabel. She had no idea what she was getting into when she promised that whole "sickness and health" thing -- no one ever does. She 's been so strong, so positive, so supportive through all of this. I heard someone say once that in a good marriage, you take turns being crazy. We've managed to do that, balancing each other out, being positive when the other is feeling bad, energetic when the other is tired, sane when the other is crazy. It's a great comfort to know when I'm down, she'll be up. Love you.

We'll be celebrating our 30th anniversary in a less than 2 months. I couldn't be more thankful for anything in my life.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.