Gratitude

This past weekend could charitably be called "crazy." We're in that tough part of our lives where the kids are too old to need naps, too young to drive, and just the right age to have lots going on in their lives. Isabel and I, on the other hand, have plenty of our own going on, are just the right age for naps, and sick of driving around.

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Friday night I had a stomach bug. I felt much better Saturday morning, but I skipped my Saturday run. Instead, I moped around and waited for everyone else to get up. I checked the calendar for the day: the kids had altar server training at 9:00. At 11:00, we needed to all go to the school to set up for Sunday's advent wreath workshop, which Isabel had been roped into organizing a month ago. Then at 3:00, we had tickets to the Quinnipiac University basketball game, which we got for $1 each, since QU students had left town for their week-long Thanksgiving holiday, which I knew about from my niece.

On top of that, I had promised the kids a couple of things: that we'd rake leaves on Saturday, but leave them in piles so they and the dog could jump into them (we'd save the bagging for Sunday). I also promised Catherine that she and I would (finally) make some homemade pasta for Sunday dinner, something we'd been talking about for a while.

Then I got a very early morning e-mail from the editor of a journal: an article I'd been writing needed to be finished by Monday so it had time to be edited and sent to the printer. I'd been putting that off for a few weeks because I didn't like the changes they were asking me to make.

I added one more item to the list: buy a turkey. I'd seen in the newspaper on Friday that the Connecticut Food Bank was holding a "stuff a bus" event from 10 to 7 on Saturday outside a grocery store down the street from us. I try to participate every year. We've already donated to about 5 food drives so far this holiday season, but donating a whole turkey just seems to mean so much more. I think about families that are having it tough this year, have had their lives up-ended by losing a job or something, and maybe a turkey on Thanksgiving will make things feel just a little bit more normal for one day.

So I added "buy and deliver turkey" to the calendar.

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When Isabel woke up, she reminded me that the advent wreath workshop was also going to include a bake sale to raise money for the school parents' group, and that we'd promised to make some allergy-safe treats. So while Isabel took a shower, I ran to the grocery store to get the ingredients for cupcakes and brownies. I told her I was going to buy the turkey, too, while I was there. "The food collection doesn't start until 10," she said. "Where are you going to put it until then?" I checked the freezer, which was pretty full, and agreed that we 'd be better off stopping for the turkey later, when we could drop it off right away.

So I went to the grocery store while Isabel showered and got the kids up and ready. But she let John sleep; he'd been up early complaining of stomach problems. The same stomach bug I had? Ugh. That would certainly put a cramp (ha) in our busy day.

Isabel took Peter and Catherine to the altar server workshop at 9:00 while I did some baking and John slept. In between filling cupcake holders, I tried to sneak off to my laptop to work on the article that was due Monday.

About 10:15, Isabel came home with Peter and Catherine, and woke up John, just as the brownies were coming out of the oven. We had a few minutes to feed John (who felt much better) and get up to the school to set up for the next day's Advent wreath workshop. This meant setting up tables, counting out greens (90 pounds of tree branch tips from a local greenhouse), and making 19 wreaths for people who wouldn't be able to join the other 100 families that signed up for the workshop. We realized we would probably be short on greens, so I volunteered to drive to Branford to get another 80 pounds (I had the only minivan in the group) while Isabel supervised the rest of the work. We were finally done with all of that by about 1:30. We ate lunch, Isabel took a quick nap, and I chipped away some more at my article.

At least until Strudel begged me to take her outside and play for a few minutes, since she'd been inside the house all day with no exercise.

I hadn't planned on all of that taking quite as long as it did, so there was no time to rake leaves. And I still hadn't forgotten about buying that turkey.....

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At 2:30, we piled into the car and drove to the basketball game. Which was fun. QU fell behind big, but came back with 2 minutes left. Too little, too late, though -- they lost by 4. But every kids youth sports group in town was offered those $1 tickets, so we saw about a hundred people we knew, which was nice for everyone. It was a good time.

(I think it was not so much a basketball game as a celebration by the people of Hamden that the QU students had left town for a week....)

The game was over at 5:00, and the kids were hungry, so we stopped for dinner on the way home -- the best hot dogs in the state. I still hadn't forgotten my turkey, so we made the kids eat quickly. They wanted to stop for ice cream, but I really wanted to get to the store and drop off the turkey (I knew they were only collecting until 7:00), so I said I'd buy ice cream at the grocery store and we could eat it at home.

As we pulled into the grocery store lot, Isabel asked me what the smallest turkey they had was likely to be. I had no idea, but "15 pounds" kind of sparked a memory. "Why do you ask?" I said. "Never mind," Isabel said. "What's going on?" I asked. She said she missed Thanksgiving leftovers, since we often travel far for Thanksgiving, and she thought a small turkey that we could make ourselves when we got back would give her the turkey sandwich fix that she'd need next week. I promised to look for a small one.

I did find a small 12 pound turkey for us, plus a bigger one to give to the Food Bank, plus ice cream for John, and then ice cream for the other two kids. Actually, I got two containers of ice cream for the other two, since they were on sale, and they had egg nog ice cream, which Peter loves, and Catherine wanted chocolate. So I left the grocery store with a whole lot of frozen stuff to carry.

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I got back in the car and we drove across the street to where the Food Bank stuff-a-bus was located. We saw the school bus and the big tent that's used to keep the volunteers warm all day.

But the tent was dark, and the refrigerated truck was gone.

We found someone cleaning up in the back. He said he thought the Food Bank event was the day before.

We hauled our frozen turkey back to the car.

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I knew the guy wasn't right. Why would they hold a day-long food drive on a Friday when everyone is working? makes no sense. So when we got home, we fixed ice cream for the kids and then I looked up the Food Bank web site. Sure enough, the stuff-a-bus event was supposed to have been until 7:00, but they were all gone by 6:30.

I like being right, but now I had a turkey to deal with. I looked up the web site of the radio station that was sponsoring the stuff-a-bus event, and they, too, said the event would end at 7:00. Their site also said something like, "Everyone loves to drop off a couple of cans of corn, but to be honest, we'd rather have the cash. $5 will buy 17 meals."

I get that. But now I was annoyed at having a turkey on my hands, and doubly annoyed that they didn't seem to want it to begin with, and that they would have preferred that I just gave them cash.

We somehow managed to find room in the freezer for 28 pounds of turkey and three containers of ice cream.

And I still had to keep my promise to make pasta with Catherine. We mixed and kneaded the pasta, and while it rested for 20 minutes, I worked a little bit more on that article. Then she and I took turns cranking the pasta machine while we made spaghetti. I was exhausted when I finally went to bed. We all were.

We never did get to the leaves.

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Sunday, Isabel had to get up early -- much earlier than usual -- to go to church so she could be free all morning to help run the wreath-making workshop. As I got breakfast ready, I tried to figure out what to do with this turkey that nobody seemed to want. I looked again at the Food Bank website: there was another stuff-a-bus event about 40 minutes away. Plus, the Food Bank headquarters had special Sunday hours for the holiday, and would take the drop-off. That was only 30 minutes away.

After breakfast, the kids and I went to church, and then I took the kids to the wreath-making workshop. Peter was scheduled to help out (he needs the service hours as part of his National Junior Honor Society membership). So I made the wreath with John and Catherine, trying to keep John focused on what he was doing, and trying to get Catherine to stop begging me for money so she could buy just one more brownie at the bake sale. With the two of them distracted, our wreath looked a little like Charlie Brown's Christmas tree, but with a little more trimming and adding, it looked OK by the time we left.

We were done by about 11:00. I took the wreath and John and Catherine home while Isabel and Peter stayed to help at the workshop. On the way out, I saw the woman who runs our church's food basket drive for the holiday. I asked her if she needed a turkey. She said they don't do turkeys (too difficult to deliver -- they give grocery store gift cards along with non-perishable items) but that she thought the town's food bank was collecting food that day back at the same grocery store parking lot we were at the night before.

So I drove the kids to the grocery store, hoping I could avoid a long drive to give away The Turkey That Nobody Wanted. there was no sign of any food collection. So we went back home and I looked up the town food bank's website to see if maybe they were collecting at a different spot that day. But their web site had nothing about food drives, and neither did the local paper.

"OK kids," I said the John and Catherine. "We're driving to the Food Bank." They groaned.

As we were leaving to get back into the car (I decided we'd go for the 30 minute drive to the Food Bank headquarters instead of the 40 minute drive to the other stuff-a-bus event), my mom called. I hadn't spoken to her in a week, and I hated to cut her off, but I had to deliver The Turkey That I Couldn't Give Away Despite Four Attempts, and I wasn't sure if Isabel would need help when the wreath-making workshop was over at 1:30. Sorry, Mom.

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The Food Bank website's directions weren't great, but they did at least acknowledge which streets didn't have signs, so I had to drive slowly and count traffic lights and hope I found the place OK. Which I did.

As I was driving, I started thinking, "What if they don't take turkeys?" I'd seen ads for a bunch of food drives over the weekend, but they were all for non-perishable items only. What if this was one of them? But then I convinced myself that they would take it. This was the Food Bank headquarters. This had to be the place where the turkey would have ended up anyway. Right?

When I finally handed off the Turkey That Nobody Wanted, I was kind of hoping the volunteer who took it would make a bigger deal about the donation. She did give me an enthusiastic "Thank You," but that was about it. I started to tell her about the stuff-a-bus event closing early, but decided I wouldn't bother. Probably not a whole lot she could do about it anyway. No sense in taking out my frustration on volunteers.

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Later that day, we raked leaves. Then we ate a homemade spaghetti dinner. With homemade sauce and homemade meatballs. Then I finished my article. And in the end, that turkey will go to a good home.

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This is my third Thanksgiving since I've been diagnosed, and the third time I've tried to take the time to think and write about what I'm thankful for. To be honest, I had a hard time with it this year. I have plenty to be thankful for, but I don't like rattling off the same things. Too easy. I like to put more thought into it for myself.

As I was driving home from the Food Bank headquarters after dropping off the turkey, I finally had a chance to take a deep breath. The kids were telling me that they were hungry and tired and would have preferred to not be in the car. I knew part of their crankiness was the "sugar high" from the bake sale wearing off, and I tried to patiently explain why it was important that we took time out of the day to deliver the turkey, and why we had to try a fifth time to give it away (and not just because we didn't have freezer space).

Which is when I knew what I'd write about for the Thanksgiving blog post.

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I'm thankful that, despite having a cancer that's harder to get rid of than a Food Bank Turkey, I'm still a pretty healthy person -- healthy enough to run around like I did all weekend and still do a decent job teaching on Monday morning.

I'm thankful that I have a good job, one that's pretty secure, even at a time when our governor-elect is talking about state employees bracing themselves for cuts. I'm thankful that it's a job I love, one that lets me do things that I really enjoy and get some fulfillment from, like teaching on Monday mornings, or writing articles for journals whose editors e-mail at 6:00am on Saturday mornings to remind me to finish up the writing I promised I'd finish.

I'm thankful that I'm not one of those people who needs a turkey today. I'm thankful I have a minivan with a tank full of gas that lets me drive around to five different places to try to drop off that turkey, not to mention drive out to a greenhouse four towns over to pick up 80 pounds of evergreen tips.

I'm thankful that I have a brother and sister-in-law who care enough to send their daughter to a school like Quinnipiac, even when those QU students block the aisle at the grocery store debating which cheap beer to buy. I'm thankful I live someplace with a grocery store nearby, not a convenience store that would charge twice what I can pay now for stuff that I need.

I'm thankful for parents who call once a week when I'm too busy to call them, to see how I'm doing. I'm thankful they were probably also calling to ask what they could get the kids for Christmas.

I'm thankful for three healthy, beautiful children who jump in leaf piles and play with the dog and ask if we can make homemade pasta and are patient enough to keep asking when we're too busy to do it. I'm thankful that they are smart enough to be in National Junior Honor Societies and talented enough to be in bands.

I'm thankful for a wife that shows the kids that giving up a weekend to help others is a really good way to spend a weekend. And I'm thankful that when she and I have only about five minutes to spare over that weekend, she wants to spend it with me.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.