Mental Health Awareness Day

Today is World Mental Health Day. 

I found out about it because a notice popped up on my computer. The notice featured a green ribbon, which is the color for mental health awareness.

Of course, Lymphoma awareness uses a lime green ribbon. But the mental health ribbon looked kind of lime-like on my computer, so I had to look it up and make sure we weren't sharing the same ribbon color. These things are important. (Not really.) 

But when I saw that the two ribbons might be the same color, it seemed very appropriate to me, particularly for Follicular Lymphoma. As I have said for a long time, for many FL patients, the symptoms and side effects of the disease are not physical, but emotional, mental, and spiritual. Lots of us were asymptomatic at diagnosis, and maybe stayed that way for a long time. For me, it was two years of watching and waiting.

But even with no or few physical symptoms, there are plenty of mental ones during that watch and wait period.  (The Follicular Lymphoma Foundation just did a webinar on Watching and Waiting, and of course, issues related to mental health were a major part of of the discussion.) 

And there are plenty of other times during our lives as FL patients when mental health issues are important. Certainly at diagnosis. It's such a surprise for many of us, especially when we're asymptomatic. I've spoken with so many FL patients who say they were in the best shape of their lives when they were diagnosed -- again, myself included. That shock takes some time and effort to deal with. Even those of us who suspected that there was an issue still have the shock of having it conformed. "You have cancer" might be the scariest words in the world, despite all of the advances in cancer research in the last 20 years. 

And then comes treatment, and all of the mental health issues that come with it. Uncertainty over whether it will work, or whether there might have been a better choice. Fear of physical side effects -- still a huge concern for so many patients. And the mental health issues that come with being physically weakened by treatment, and having to worry about finances and every day life.

And then, post-treatment. the fear of recurrence. Even that one is different for us as FL patients. We've been told since diagnosis that the disease is incurable, and chances are good that it will return even after successful treatment. Dealing with that possible return has its own special mental health challenges.

And then, there's the mental health challenge that I think doesn't get talked about enough -- guilt. There's the survivor's guilt of going through treatment. There's the guilt that comes from being in an online group and realizing that others have had it much rougher than you have, and wondering if yu have anything to tell them that's helpful.

I'm not listing all of these mental health challenges because it's in any way fun. 

I'm listing them because I've been through each of them myself.I think there is something very special about reading or hearing about someone else's problems and realizing that you are not alone in having that problem. If, for example, you feel some kind of guilt related to your FL, know that you're not the only one. There's some comfort in that.

Which is ultimately what "awareness" days are about. They're about a collective understanding of something, and hopefully, a collective resolve to do something about it.

The FL Community Podcast's most recent episode is on mental health issues. It's worth listening to; you'll get an even greater sense that you're not alone in feeling what you're feeling.

And remember that if having Follicular Lymphoma gets a little overwhelming sometimes, that's OK. There are places online to have conversations with other FL patients and to get some reassurance. (And I'm always happy to listen, and to offer advice if I'm asked for it. I respond to every email that I receive.) And if talking it through isn't working, talk to your oncologist's office for advice on mental health professionals that might be affiliated with your cancer center. It's ok to seek professional help if that's what you need. 

I hope everyone has a great day today. Do something nice for yourself.