Advice

I saw this posted to someone's Facebook page, and I thought it was worth sharing, even though it's old (from 2009) and for the "Young" (those in their 20's and 30's), because it's timeless and ageless.

It's from the site for the book Everything Changes, which is written for people who were diagnosed in their 20's and 30's. Early on after my diagnosis, I avoided sites and books like this -- bitter that being 40 and a half at diagnosis made me no longer a "young" person. I'm over the bitterness now.

The post is called "Your Advice to Someone Newly Diagnosed?", written by Kairol Rosenthal, author of Everything Changes and a young survivor. (It's actually a very good book, and she writes a very good blog, for cancer patients of all ages). In the post, Rosenthal says she often received advice that was "so off it made me want to stick my fingers in my ears and chant 'blah, blah, blah' like a three year old." She talks about interviewing a young woman whose advice for the newly diagnosed was:


"It’s just one day at a time. Remember to breathe. Be a little selfish and don’t feel guilty. Tell people how you feel and be open. Remember to tell people that you love them. Don’t play games, don’t be fake, don’t try to be tough all the time. If you need denial right now to get through, do it. If you need to cry and feel it every day, do that, too. You’re not alone, no matter how alone you feel, and you will feel alone, ’cause you feel like you’re the only one going through it. And we are, because we’re all different in our own way. But there are people out there that can kind of understand, and when you’re ready, they’ll be there for you."

The comments section at the end of the blog post offers more advice from survivors:

"Take someone with you to all appointments. Something about hearing the word 'cancer' shuts down your brain and you don’t hear what they say anymore. Having someone to take notes and remind you of what your questions are helps tremendously. (take someone who is somewhat versed in medicine and not an alarmist if possible….)"

"I learned quickly that I needed to be assertive about my care. I asked lots and lots of questions, I kept track of what they did, and when and why they did it. There were a couple of times that I corrected the nurses. It’s not that they do their job poorly, but everyone is fallible. Questions. Ask questions. Lots and lots of questions. It doesn’t matter if you annoy them — it’s your body and you deserve answers to all of your questions. (And if they’re good, they won’t be annoyed.)"

"I used the free services at the hospital: the counselor, the massage therapist, the music therapist. If you are at a hospital that offers any servies, take advantage of them."

"Feel free to drop the f-bomb on anyone that tries to say anything like 'You’re so lucky, now you can really appreciate life', 'All things happen for a reason' and/or 'God has a plan.' I seriously regret not telling a few more people off when they told me that."


All good advice, and not just for youngsters (however one defines "young"....OK, still a little bitter.....). The blog entry offers even more advice in the comments section. Worth taking a look.