Cancer-Sniffing Dogs

This article was published on the website Health Day on Monday: a Labrador Retriever can detect 12 different kinds of cancer, including colorectal cancer, which she does with 98% accuracy. Pretty impressive.

I like where the article leads, too: the idea that if dogs can sniff cancer, then the cells must be giving off some kind of detectable compound. If it could be identified in some way, maybe that substance, whatever it is, can be tested in an easy way (one that doesn't involve training dogs or conducting biopsies) and lead to earlier and more accurate detection.

***************

OK, as I'm writing this, Strudel is looking over my shoulder and scoffing. So I'm giving into her demands (because it's the only way she'll stop digging her claws into my shoulder) and letting her give her opinion about all of this:

Oh, thank you Cancer Boy, you so nice. I don't write for months, not since I show a video of my champion sister, and now I have to draw blood to say a few words. Danka. So sweet of you.

You know what else is sweet? Standard Schnauzers. And guess what? The orginal cancer-sniffing dog was...Da, da. Standard Schnauzer. Ten years ago.

Der Lab is very impressive. Yes, veryy impressive. But you whas iss wrong with Labs? They not so bright. Want proof? Here.

This Lab in the article about the cancer? Also not so bright. First clue? She learned all this at the "St. Sugar Cancer-Sniffing Dog Training Center." Iss made-up name or what? That's what other dogs do to Labs at the dog park. We say, "Hey -- you cant pee on that tree. Where's your pee-treeing pass?" And they like, "Oh, I didn't know I needed one." And you say, "O, da, iss 10 dollars," and they run all slobbery to ther owner and ask for 10 dollars and he gives it and you say OK now you can pee. And if thass not funny enough, you see them the NEXT DAY and they fall for it again.

So I know some Akita in Japan probably says to the Lab, "Hey, you want to be cancer sniffing dog? Da? 100 dollars. Come back here to St. Sugar Scool," and then they go behind a dumptser and the Akita says "Sniff that poop. Congratulations. You are graduate." I see that all the time.

The good thing is? This time the world got lucky and they found a Lab who could actually smell cancer. But there probably a couple thousand more out there sniffing poop thinking they went to medical school. Sad.

So thank the Schnauzers. And stay away from Labs. Never know when one sniffs you and tells you that you have cancer. This is why God created second opinions.

Thanks for the time, Cancer Boy. You so magnanimous.

***********************

Um...you're welcome....