Life, Interrupted

I've been meaning for a while to link to a New York Times column called "Life, Interrupted".

It's written by a young woman named Suleika Jaouad, and you can find the pronuncation of her name on her website Secrets of Cancerhood, where her columns are also printed.

Jaouad was diagnosed with leukemia shortly after starting a job in Paris when she was in her early 20's. (It's funny -- she refers to cancer patients in their 20's as the "tweens" of the cancer world, too young to know what to do, but too old to be a juvenile patient. I see those of us in our 40's the same way -- there are all kinds of great resources for younger folks, and then people seem less surprised about a diagnosis in someone older. Those of us in our 40's are in-between with no specific means of support just for us. It's funny how you always see someone else as better off than you, even in the world of cancer....Or maybe that's not a surprise....)

Anyway, despite her youth, Jaouad has a nice perspective on things. She's a fighter, clearly, which is very good for her. But she is also pretty reflective about her situation, and offers a lot to think about.

Her latest column, which you can access (along with all of her columns) through the link above, is called "Fighting Cancer, and Myself." She describes a revelation that she had about being the fighter that she is:

"I realize now that the experience of having cancer is more of a tricky balancing act: being proactive about your medical condition, while simultaneously accepting and surrendering to the fact that, at least for the time being, you can’t change your reality as quickly as you’d like to."

That's a pretty tricky in-between-ness to achieve, especially from someone so young. Very zen-like. I like to think I've achieved it myself, keeping constantly updated on what's going on with treatments, and thinking about how it all fits into my future. But also understanding that so much is beyond my control.

That's probably easier for someone like me, who's been watching and waiting for four and a half years now. It's all part of the game for me. Much harder (and therefore more impressive) for someone like her who's still very much in the middle of it all.

But that in-between-ness is really how we all live -- those of us with cancer and without it. We plan for what we can, assuming (or pretending) that we have some control over our lives, but accepting that life changes quickly.