How to Talk about Cancer

Salon magazine ran two articles this week dealing with cancer, both written by Mary Elizabeth Williams, an excellent writer, and a stage 4 melanoma patient.

The first article is called "How to Talk to Someone with Cancer," and deals with a subject I have written about many times: the sometimes dumb things that people say or do to cancer patients, and how to avoid said dumb things.  I won't get into it, because, as I said, it's a fairly frequent topic for me. I will only say that Williams' overall advice, basically to keep the focus on the person with cancer and not on yourself, is  excellent.

I will also say that I, along with several people who posted comments to the piece, thought that Salon's choice of a photo to illustrate Williams' article was fascinatingly weird:

 

 Seriously? This is how you illustrate "how to talk to someone with cancer"?  Show some cleavage, get a blue martini, and go to a club? Which one even has cancer? Probably not the Paris Hilton-looking blonde one. No -- it's the one on the left, who's shaded just a little darker (very symbolic) -- the only one NOT drinking, but the one who needs a drink the most. Very nice.

Williams' second article is even better, because it deals with the topic from a perspective that I rarely see: it's called "How to Talk about Your Cancer," and gives advice to cancer patients about how to communicate with others.

Cancer patients are so often the ones who are hurt by communication, it was nice to see some advice for how they (we) can take steps to get others to give us what we need. I like that Willliams encourages cancer patients to be more proactive,  always a good thing. That's her first rule: take responsibility for setting the tone.

I also like her rule number 5, that the cancer card is not a hall pass. In other words, remember that other people are hurting, too, and in ways that have nothing to do with your cancer. (I still like playing the card every now and then, though. Nothing in her advice says that I can't.)

Finaly, I really appreciate her rule #7: Be kind. People say dumb things. Give them the benefit of the doubt (as I always try to do).

Williams writes a lot about cancer, especially her own, but about other subjects, too. She's worth clicking the link at the end of the articles and browsing around.