There's a disturbing discussion going on in the support group.
A woman wrote about her husband, who was diagnosed with Follicular NHL, stage 4 (it had moved from the nodes to the bone marrow) in 2002 when he was 49. He had two rounds of chemotherapy, and didn't like that it made him feel so weak and so sick, and so he stopped treatment. He's gone untreated since then, and now he's having B symptoms -- night sweats, chest tightness, back pains. He refuses to see a doctor. His wife basically wants to know from the group how much more time he has, what she can expect to happen, and when she should call hospice.
My fellow group members have tried to offer advice. Treatments are much different now than they were even 8 years ago, and he has non-chemo options like RIT available to him that won't make him feel so bad.
I just don't understand. I mean, part of me understands, I guess. Follicular is so slow-growing, there are times when it seems like you'll live forever. And I haven't had chemo, but I know how people feel going through it, and how horrible that can be for some people.
But this guys seems to be giving up, and that's what I don't understand. Can someone be that stubborn? That fearful? That misinformed? Or just that depressed?
I can't be any of those things. I won't let myself. And Isabel wouldn't let me.
But I also know that you can never say "suck it up" to a cancer patient, because it's just not that easy. Depression is a horrible, sometimes uncontrollable thing, and as much as someone might want to just stop being depressed, sometimes it's just not something they have a choice about.
Anyway, I guess this is one of those things that kind of pulls you back to reality. I've been feeling good since I had the treatment, and I've been busy enough lately to not think much about cancer, and then you read about something like this. Makes you want to get in a car and drive to where he is and do something, anything, to help him.
Bob,
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to offer advice in a situation like this. We can't know what is in this guy's heart and his level of pain. Even though one can say that this guy is making the wrong choice I do believe that in the end, the patient has the right to make that choice.
You mentioned that "Isabel wouldn't let me," but I think your love for Isabel, Peter, John and Catherine, the Red Sox, the chicken dance, goofy videos, life in general, is really what "wouldn't let" you.
It would be callous to suggest that this gentleman may not be as fortunate as you are in the love department but I guess I just did. I am not sure that there would be anything you could do to make up this deficit.
Hopefully he is at the least informed about his options and thoughtful about the effect his decisions will have on his loved ones.
Tom
I agree, every patuent has the right to make his or her choice. I'm all for patient empowerment, and my expression of it goes in the complete opposite direction -- I make the doctor persuade me to do take a course of action.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like his wife loves him enough to get online and see what she can do for him, and she said she's going to pass along all of the responses to him. I hope it jars him enough to listen.