Scan Today

Had my CT scan this morning. Never a fun experience, but it wasn't too bad.


As usual, I had to drink the barium milkshake beforehand, which does a number on my stomach. It's a full quart of thick, white sort-of sweet liquid -- five good plastic cups worth. The first few cups are tolerable, and then it's a struggle. They usually give me an hour or so to get it down, and then the scan itself is only about 5 minutes long.


Today, as I was in the waiting area, choking down my barium, a man came in for a scan. He was tall and muscular, and wearing a fire department shirt. He poured himself a full cup of the barium and sucked it down in one big swig. I usually take anywhere from a sip to a gulp, wait 30-60 seconds, and take another, slowly working my way through it all in about 10 minutes. But this guy did a full cup. I was impressed. But then I noticed that it took him a good five minutes to work up the nerve to take the second cup. And then another five minutes. Seemed like a tough guy, but he was just a poser. He was halfway done when I got called in by the CT tech. Slow and steady, baby -- that's how you do it.


I see Dr. R on Friday for the results of the scan (and thus the results for how well the Rituxan worked). There are several possibilities for what we might find out:


The best news, of course, will be that it was CR -- a Complete Response, with no evidence of cancer, no nodes even a little swollen.


Second best will be a PR -- a Partial Response. Maybe a little swelling someplace.


Not so good would be finding out that the Rituxan didn't work at all. Pretty remote chance, but it's always a chance.


My guess for the results? It will be a PR. I just don't think it's Complete -- the thigh is still a little bit swollen (though way better than it was two months ago), and I can maybe feel the nodes popping up just a little (though it could be something else, like scar tissue). Then there are those deep internal nodes that had Dr. R worried -- no way to know how those have responded to the Rituxan until we see scan results, so we'll find all that out on Friday.


Even if it is a PR, that's OK, for a couple of reasons.


First, Rituxan takes time to work. Some people in the support group thought I should demand more time before we had a CT scan, since Rituxan can take months before it fully does its job. But I'm anxious to see how things are going. So even a PR could turn into a CR down the road a little bit.


Second, even if it is a CR, I have to be realistic about it. Rituxan just isn't going to be a cure. It will come back. It would great to get a couple of years of remission out of it, but really, I'll just be waiting for it to come back anyway.

I'm not upset about that -- just realistic. Miracles do happen, and I'm praying for one. But I'm preparing for something a little bit less.