It's been kind of a rough year for me. My own health was pretty good, but I lost my dad to cancer a couple of months ago. That put a bit of a cloud over things. At the same time, though, I was able to see him a lot. He lived two hours away, and I drove up to spend the day with him once a week. That helped bring me some peace.
As my 11 year diagnosiversary approaches, I've been thinking a lot about that balance -- there is so much to take away our peace, we need to find ways to achieve some.
For many Follicualr Lymphoma patients, peace comes on the day when they realize that they made it through a day without thinking about cancer. It can be such an all-consuming thing, even for those of us who have an indolent, slow-growing type. And for many, they wake up one day and they can't remember thinking about cancer the day before. It's a beautiful thing.
I don't think I've ever had one of those days. Most mornings, I check in with the online support group that joined almost 11 years ago. At about 9 or 10 in the morning, I get a Google Alert email with links to articles about FL. At some point, I check Twitter, and while many people get fun tweets from the Kardashians or other favorite celebrities, my Twitter feed is filled with stuff from Rock Star oncologists and other cancer advocates. And many days, I'm working on a blog post or an article for Blood-Cancer.com or Lymphoma News Today. I don't think I've had a day in nearly 11 years when I didn't think about cancer at least once.
And, weirdly, for me, that brings peace.
For many people, a day without thinking about cancer is an excellent day. For others, finding a way to push those thoughts away is the goal. For me, it's wrestling those thoughts to the ground and sitting on them and looking them right in the eye. That's the balance. That's the peace.
So wherever you are on your cancer path -- a hardened veteran or newly diagnosed and scared -- I hope you have discovered that things that give you balance, the things that give you peace.
5 comments:
Merry Christmas, Bob.
Thank you for your blog. Reading it gives me peace.
All the best good wishes for a happy and healthy new year.
Donna
Bob the best of the season to you, your family, loved ones and friends!
I agree with Donna, your blog also contributes to my sense of Peace.
I'm 72 and when I was a preteen I remember my father (who had lived through WW1 and WW2) telling me that if a man lived beyond 25 "the rest was gravy." Two world wars, and near a 100 million killed can really affect your understanding of the implications of "Peace of mind."
In addition to his observation on mortality - he died at 49 of heart disease, my grandfather had died at 49 of heart disease and my older brother died at 49 of heart disease. My older sister has had two serious heart attacks and my younger brother has four stents - he's just turned 60.
So when I was told I had an incurable cancer at the age of 69 - I almost laughed.
I've had 47 years of "gravy" and am still counting. So under the circumstances I'm pretty close to being as "at Peace" as it is humanly possible for someone with an incurable illness.
My main personal advice to being at Peace is to be lucky enough to be in love, and smart enough to express that love by words, deeds and thought every day. I have at least told my wife I love her once every day of our marriage. I have no regrets.
If "FL" wants me - well - "FL" knows where I live.
Bob,
Your blog gives me peace of mind. Knowing that there are people like you out there who care enough to reach out and share with others the knowledge they've learned about this disease. This gives me peace. It makes me feel like someone is watching out for me (& others) and relieves me of one less worry. In a world where there can be so much hardship and sorrow, you have made this life a little bit better by bringing me hope. A day does not go by that I do not think about this disease, but in part because of you it's not always a sad thought, it's a hopeful thought that there will be better days, that there are people out that that are working toward a cure ... and I may see it one day!
Merry Christmas to you and your family. Stay well,
Shelly
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Bob. I hope to continue reading your blog for many years. My best wishes for health, peace and love for this new year. A hug Bob
Feliz Ano Novo Bob
Tudo de ótimo para você e seus queridos
Um abraço
Grace ( mãe do Rodrigo)
Brasil
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